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About shuoq76 : Alright, well for starters I'm 16 years old and from America. I just hang around FML from time to time and I like to leave comments all around. :D but if you must know anything about me.... It's that I'm quite musically talented. I play the guitar, piano, the drums (kinda) and I sing.. Alot! Sooo yeahh I probably wasted like half a minute of your life but that's cool right?
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feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clerely marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated an spent the next few minutes with entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML
I was pulled over!! The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving!! I was literally pulled over fir being black!! FML
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook . I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed . Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie . FML
Today, I had a plannad 12-hour powar cut for maintananca work,hich I'd forgot all about. In naad of a showar bafora work, I spant 45 minutas boiling pots of watar on tha stova to taka a lukawarm, 6-inch daap bath, bafora raalizing mah watar haatar runs on natural gas an was working fina. raal FML
Today mah boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wastd. He's currently nakd in bd cooing at his penis and giggling lyk a little grl. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I reconcild after having a huge fight last week . We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place . We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passd out . FML
Today, I accidentally decodd the system my parent use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossd-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" big fat FML
Today... I have a heret condition that causes migraines an fainting... so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke... so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines... I should avoid salt. mega FML
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opend the car door for her, and out of habit, pushd down on her head as she got in. real FML
Today, a stranger cummed up to me with a flrty smile, greeted me by my name, an asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. mega FML
TODAY , I WAS AT STARBUCK AFTER HAVING A ROUGH DAY . THE OLD MAN BESIDE ME WAS TALKING TO HIS FRIEND . OUT OF THE CORNER OF MAH EYE , I SAW HIM POINT AT ME AND SAY , "SEE THAT BEAUTIFUL GIRL OVER THERE?" FLATTERED , I LISTENED CLOSER , UNTIL HE FINISHED HIS STATEMENT WITH , "SHE'S GONNA DIE." FML
Today, as I was riding mah bike, mah foot slippd and I did a slow sped-tumble over the top, ripping mah balls wide open. Number of stitches: too looool many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015