shostakovich

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shostakovich

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8835
  • Number of comments : 134
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About shostakovich : Human.

shostakovich's page activity

Visits<b>mip_92</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 2:32pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:11pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 2:46am<b>Master_Of_Sand</b> - the 10/02/2010 at 11:20pm<b>TigerTattoo</b> - the 07/21/2010 at 6:49pm<b>Fentown</b> - the 04/28/2010 at 8:10pm<b>Redneck325Ci</b> - the 01/18/2010 at 4:18am<b>chicken_lover</b> - the 01/17/2010 at 1:09am<b>ha</b> - the 11/28/2009 at 11:45am<b>JustSoLost</b> - the 10/19/2009 at 10:26pm<b>starflight</b> - the 09/26/2009 at 11:37pm<b>muffy_da_bear</b> - the 09/21/2009 at 8:31pm<b>wtfismyfml</b> - the 09/20/2009 at 4:45pm<b>KellyNora</b> - the 09/20/2009 at 4:45pm<b>plexico</b> - the 09/20/2009 at 4:38pm<b>chveya</b> - the 09/20/2009 at 4:13pm<b>gardenho</b> - the 09/20/2009 at 4:05pm<b>jeremymg91</b> - the 09/14/2009 at 9:49pm

shostakovich's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

shostakovich's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

by diamondsareforever / 07/18/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

by nonmormon / 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I was cleaning my old neighbor's bathroom, because he asked me to and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I was getting paid. He told me to "get the floor pearly white." So I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Turns out the floor tiles are naturally a dull yellowish. I didn't get paid. FML

by ughhh123456789 / 07/15/2009 at 6:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

by embarrassed / 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML

by divineinstrument / 07/12/2009 at 10:46am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

by hatboxghost / 07/09/2009 at 1:17am / United States / Love

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

by Asterisk1009 / 06/29/2009 at 1:41am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML

by Teylot / 06/28/2009 at 5:30pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Animals

Today, my husband passed a massive kidney stone. He is so proud of it that he wants to decorate our home with it. It is now sitting on my kitchen counter next to my produce. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2009 at 10:52am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

by Dirtyswede / 06/17/2009 at 10:57am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

by JustAGiftCardPlease / 06/16/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

by JustAGiftCardPlease / 06/16/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

by Shaun / 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML

by yumx24 / 05/30/2009 at 9:45am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous