Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

shoieb9

Offline (the 03/27/2014 at 4:56pm) | Search for a member

shoieb9

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 17 April 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5581
  • Number of comments : 77
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About shoieb9 : Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted

So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted

Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted

On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted

Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted

- Skittles

shoieb9's page activity

Visits<b>Vaneessaa</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 11:01pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 4:39pm<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 3:36am<b>omfgorlaith</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 6:02pm<b>atl904</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 9:59pm<b>nialls_princess1</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 11:04pm<b>alljackedup7</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 11:58pm<b>Lindsey_Marie</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 7:52pm<b>Ayezed</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 3:08pm<b>kikikiju</b> - the 03/15/2014 at 2:33am<b>Eohlas</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 5:55pm<b>euphoriagorillaz</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 7:55pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 12:27am<b>Girosrabing</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 12:09am<b>MxAxRxCxO</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 1:37am<b>xoxkaeliii7</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 9:54am<b>AGhost5445</b> - the 06/11/2013 at 6:12am<b>rj1330</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 11:58pm

shoieb9's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

Tweet, tweet

You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.

See all of shoieb9's badges

shoieb9's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I bought a brand new 72" flatscreen TV. After getting it hooked up and working, we went out for a smoke. Hearing this crashing and smashing noise, I went inside to find out my 2 year old daughter had found a metal pole and decided to use it on the TV. FML

#13012319
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15257) - you deserved it (35536)

On 09/12/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

#12948650
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32592) - you deserved it (4749)

On 09/07/2010 at 1:06pm - love - by drew - United States (Georgia)

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

#12781216
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13500) - you deserved it (34168)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:54am - misc - by wearingshorts - United States (New York)

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his Grandparents house. It said 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and tooth brushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

#12725803
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31836) - you deserved it (7686)

On 08/24/2010 at 7:46pm - love - by DyingOfShame (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45746) - you deserved it (14573)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

#12485840
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29014) - you deserved it (33734)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:01pm - intimacy - by Blueberrypicc (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

#12316575
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29630) - you deserved it (33486)

On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

#12187023
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31243) - you deserved it (3324)

On 07/29/2010 at 1:29pm - misc - by pandaboo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25052) - you deserved it (49129)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

#11047935
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38929) - you deserved it (2720)

On 06/08/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by highschoolgrad (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

#9180721
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9813) - you deserved it (42602)

On 03/18/2010 at 4:21am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML

#9155913
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9973) - you deserved it (24596)

On 03/17/2010 at 8:48am - intimacy - by Bushfan101 - Sent from mobile version

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26604) - you deserved it (5136)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

#9041294
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32964) - you deserved it (2362)

On 03/13/2010 at 5:35am - intimacy - by Grossed Out - Australia (Victoria)

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

#8966717
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11884) - you deserved it (24803)

On 03/10/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by ohno - United States



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: