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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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shoieb9

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shoieb9
  • Town/Country : Hyd, India
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 17 April 1986 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 2907
  • Number of comments : 76
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About shoieb9 : Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted

So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted

Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted

On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted

Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted

- Skittles

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shoieb9's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114 (267)

I agree, your life sucks (22917) - you deserved it (3717)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of drinking my mom's vodka and replacing it with water, it now only tastes like water. She has a habit of drinking on Fridays. Today is Friday. My life is a ticking time bomb. FML

#17030601 (397)

I agree, your life sucks (6929) - you deserved it (54522)

On 07/08/2011 at 4:38pm - misc - by UhOh (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

#16074880 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (3779) - you deserved it (18325)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, while hiking, my dad decided we should take the beeline trail down the mountain to save time. We got to the bottom of the mountain when we discovered it was the wrong side of the mountain. We had to hike 13 extra miles around it to get back to our car. FML

#15956367 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (9094) - you deserved it (1927)

On 04/27/2011 at 10:43pm - misc - by lostinthewoods (woman) - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

#15772637 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (6284) - you deserved it (44243)

On 04/13/2011 at 5:44pm - misc - by andimanastudent (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260 (745)

I agree, your life sucks (58476) - you deserved it (10923)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

#15098216 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (9419) - you deserved it (20452)

On 02/24/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by Annie (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

#15012156 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (6342) - you deserved it (32578)

On 02/17/2011 at 2:02am - intimacy - by biglady (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

#14860597 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (10040) - you deserved it (36740)

On 02/06/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

#14849779 (135)

I agree, your life sucks (41434) - you deserved it (2812)

On 02/05/2011 at 7:02am - misc - by bob - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

#14847630 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (37735) - you deserved it (2744)

On 02/05/2011 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

#14709189 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (22615) - you deserved it (8180)

On 01/25/2011 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by totallyscrewedomg - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I beat her. FML

#14616204 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (31614) - you deserved it (2266) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

#14614725 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (45714) - you deserved it (4153) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Belgium - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

#14610611 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (9915) - you deserved it (25772) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins