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YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Mobility
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Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37420) - you deserved it (2859)
On 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by harrington61 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43088) - you deserved it (4494)
On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada
Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43902) - you deserved it (9417)
On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40858) - you deserved it (5331)
On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55365) - you deserved it (4758)
On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (44069) - you deserved it (6068)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53445) - you deserved it (7618)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28570) - you deserved it (94459)
Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42328) - you deserved it (8122)
On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40613) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25206) - you deserved it (4000) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/31/2013 at 7:35pm - kids - by laptitesouris (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25998) - you deserved it (5121)
On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39561) - you deserved it (4880)
On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35154) - you deserved it (11257)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13634) - you deserved it (22875)
On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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