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shellywake

Offline (the 12/24/2015 at 9:26pm) | Search for a member

shellywake

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  • Number of visits : 138
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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shellywake's page activity

Visits<b>712sash</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 1:08am<b>polvorah</b> - the 07/20/2012 at 3:01pm

shellywake's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of shellywake's badges

shellywake's favorite FMLs

Today, my Axe shampoo, body wash, and deodorant finally did their job: they got a girl to notice me. Too bad the girl was my grandma. FML

#21047196
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39452) - you deserved it (13374)

On 02/01/2014 at 1:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52927) - you deserved it (6883)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

#20849456
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38111) - you deserved it (2726)

On 08/22/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by never thought I'd say that (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50603) - you deserved it (4099)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51078) - you deserved it (9384)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54771) - you deserved it (3787)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

#20785565
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48488) - you deserved it (3257)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

#20741960
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56138) - you deserved it (3275)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by part time all the time - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54229) - you deserved it (9176)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

#20647820
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49492) - you deserved it (4440)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by babs (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

#20521664
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35529) - you deserved it (8581)

On 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm - kids - by soaked (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

#20516811
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8042) - you deserved it (49270)

On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

#20496769
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43198) - you deserved it (2669)

On 02/07/2013 at 4:51am - misc - by fviz (woman) - United States

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

#20492744
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31151) - you deserved it (3519)

On 02/04/2013 at 4:15am - misc - by Stunned (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

#20451265
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32549) - you deserved it (6068)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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