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About shazzahllala : http://twitter.com/Shazzahllala
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine.
2day I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML
Today, In science class I sit next to friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
Today, I was at mah job at an old folks home, an I was cleaning off a tablehen one old lady looks up at me an says "I've been a dirty dirty girl" in a seductive tone, I thought she meant about the table so I said "yes u have" then she winked at me, I walked away fast. mega FML
Today I got drivers license suspendd until I am 18 4 driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML
Yesterday, friends decidd it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of friends accidentally rockd it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. fat FML
Today , mah left-handed boss needed PC help . I said "right-click fir the menu." She said nothing happened . Three times we went through this . Eventually I went over , asking her to show me what she did . She was using her right hand on the left mouse button . She earns £10,000 more than me . FML
Today ma mom walks into ma room wit a serious look on er face asks me "Wen a man is getting it from beind te man on top orgasms but wat appens to te man on bottom? Do u tink e takes care of imself or wat?" Hand motions were included . FML
Today.. . I got prostate examination fir the first time . Now I can't decide what's worse.. . the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger.. . or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know . FML
Today, I cummed home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read ( Because you can't find a real girl, I made yur current one prettier, Love Mom. ) FML
today I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assurd me that I could pull out. Righthen I was about to pull out, she wrappd her legs around me and yelld, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Friday 27 March 2015