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sgcaudell's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by lovely / 02/26/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML
by NNTA / 12/26/2013 at 6:21pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Intimacy
by lonely otaku / 12/25/2013 at 2:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by the_lameo_geek / 10/20/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML
by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…