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Consolation prize
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Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37037) - you deserved it (3401)
On 08/11/2011 at 8:56am - intimacy - by bob - United States (Texas)
Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26901) - you deserved it (5313)
On 08/09/2011 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34500) - you deserved it (5669)
On 08/09/2011 at 9:48am - work - by Lauren - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19386) - you deserved it (7933)
On 08/09/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by **(: - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (42994) - you deserved it (2380)
On 08/08/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38087) - you deserved it (1579)
On 08/05/2011 at 4:41am - misc - by thehumanshield - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41867) - you deserved it (7379)
On 08/02/2011 at 12:52am - intimacy - by INside (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30477) - you deserved it (1865)
On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9643) - you deserved it (36739)
On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you deserved it (3643)
On 07/07/2011 at 10:40am - love - by Junktown (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13846) - you deserved it (4723)
On 06/26/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27297) - you deserved it (7394)
On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)
Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10648) - you deserved it (59742)
On 05/07/2011 at 11:29am - misc - by BCBUDDY - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24638) - you deserved it (1822)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:14pm - misc - by Kingspin - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31105) - you deserved it (3252)
On 03/19/2011 at 1:37am - misc - by dollarstorepwnr (man) - Canada (Ontario)
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