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selenagomezlover's FML badges
Why am I up so early?
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selenagomezlover's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, "I don't know". She's 14 years old and on the honour roll, and yet she can't tell the time on an analogue clock. FML
by sadmother / 07/01/2011 at 7:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by Fuckit / 05/28/2011 at 1:51am / United States (Idaho) / Love
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML
by surfergal91 / 02/14/2011 at 3:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by lifesux / 02/05/2011 at 4:28pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML
by dadum / 01/27/2011 at 2:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 12:40am / Egypt / Animals
by Nickolas / 12/31/2010 at 12:58am / United States / Health
Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML
by Oriianna Raiinbow / 10/23/2010 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Love
by itchybollos / 09/16/2010 at 5:04am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking for a parking spot and finally found one. Trying to figure out if the spot was legal, I asked a cop that had pulled up. He said it was fine. I came back 3 hours later to a parking ticket. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2010 at 4:31pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML
by crashingdown / 05/29/2010 at 1:28am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my best friend to my uncle's birthday party. We were having a great time until my grandmother walked up to us and said to me, "You sure have a nice looking boyfriend." My friend is a girl. She has cancer and lost all of her hair due to chemotherapy. FML
by hairplease / 02/27/2010 at 2:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML
by puzzled / 02/24/2010 at 7:58am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2010 at 9:21pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…