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Why am I up so early?
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selenagomezlover's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 2:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML
by UnknownOperation / 09/04/2012 at 9:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML
by ipayyourbillsgorramit / 08/24/2012 at 7:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
by jannister / 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML
by SingleAgain / 08/03/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love
Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML
by eminem blows cock / 06/15/2012 at 12:41pm / Ireland (Kerry) / Miscellaneous
by Danny / 05/28/2012 at 2:02pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy
by Ladieda / 05/28/2012 at 6:15am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/22/2012 at 9:24pm / United States / Kids
by themcdave / 05/19/2012 at 4:03am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Work
by Damn / 05/06/2012 at 9:53am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML
by thyisnothorses / 04/28/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…