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Today, the guy I lyk an his friend cummed home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door an my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments 4 her to realise we were there. FML
2day It's Been Two Months Since I Got A Kitten. He Loves To Hide, An Then Surprise Me By Jumping Out Of His Hiding Place. It Was Quite A Surprise When He Launched Himself Out Of Mah Bag During Class. FML
Today, I was hanging out with mah new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house fir the first time. Tapd to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazond with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML
Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML
Today in tha middla of tha night I got up to go gat soma watar !! Whan I cummad back I was going to flop onto mah bad but I facaplantad into mah floor !! I'd forgottan that I'd raarrangad mah room an movad mah bad !! FML
Today I told mah boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious he's been sereching fir high-calorie foods fir babies. FML
Today, I was going to give baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard an spat them out, realizing boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Today, mah husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up mah backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the waterhen he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML
Today, I had some soup that my dad made . I took one sip and found he had puttd tons of hot sauce in it . I rushd to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had usd it as an ash tray the night before . I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash . FML
Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself an the person in the next stall. In rush to get out of there, I managed to get ass stuck in the toilet seat, an ended up bieng pulled out by the maintenance men. FML
Friday 27 March 2015