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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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secrecies

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secrecies
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 26033
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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secrecies's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (45752) - you deserved it (10322)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481 (409)

I agree, your life sucks (52116) - you deserved it (11878)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

#4447976 (133)

I agree, your life sucks (30952) - you deserved it (12272)

On 08/11/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Lilly_28 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73321) - you deserved it (13615)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

#2799622 (1233)

I agree, your life sucks (31589) - you deserved it (473832)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

#2796637 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (65237) - you deserved it (16026)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

#2330424 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (48930) - you deserved it (13669)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:06am - love - by sounfair90 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

#1942963 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (24564) - you deserved it (30225)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535 (392)

I agree, your life sucks (62930) - you deserved it (7530)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (35055) - you deserved it (1770)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (80424) - you deserved it (15489)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

#1529921 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (49424) - you deserved it (12536)

On 05/01/2009 at 5:07pm - health - by jlover42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

#1452410 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (52695) - you deserved it (21604)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

#1440141 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (35405) - you deserved it (5896)

On 04/28/2009 at 9:39pm - misc - by kate (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

#1225856 (104)

I agree, your life sucks (42810) - you deserved it (12828)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:46pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Oklahoma)