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screenager5's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML
by lyla / 03/20/2012 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML
by fingerhut / 03/03/2012 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Health
by Silver_Samurai / 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm / Netherlands / Work
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 3:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML
by Benjamin / 01/25/2012 at 12:03am / United States (California) / Work
by anon. / 01/17/2012 at 6:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by shitttyyyday / 01/14/2012 at 2:47am / United States / Health
by bunnyluver4545 / 01/11/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by newlysingle / 12/14/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Love
by weswithaute / 11/13/2011 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Kids
Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML
by stupidboys / 09/06/2011 at 12:42pm / United States / Intimacy
by ApparentDrugAddict / 08/08/2011 at 2:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Username / 07/24/2011 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/16/2011 at 1:38am / Canada / Love
- Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my… Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right… Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily.…