FML =solution to my boredom.
Today I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. It ran me off the road, I took out a fence and totaled my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded.."my tom-tom told me to turn left." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34489) - you totally deserved it (931)
On 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25700) - you totally deserved it (2577)
On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23913) - you totally deserved it (2132)
On 08/24/2009 at 9:38am - misc - by CatLady (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML
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On 08/24/2009 at 12:49am - misc - by snakeboy (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML
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On 08/23/2009 at 3:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21826) - you totally deserved it (2128)
On 08/22/2009 at 5:29am - kids - by naughtyshirt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28388) - you totally deserved it (1122)
On 08/22/2009 at 12:43am - work - by elipses (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24065) - you totally deserved it (2200)
On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - kids - by Ben (man) - United States
Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at the mall, kissing another man. His partner got up and went to the bathroom, so I went up to my ex. I told him I didn't know he was gay, and he just smiled politely. Then his partner came out and I recognized him as my current boyfriend. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 2:45pm - love - by Lil (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by NoseInPain (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43183) - you totally deserved it (2313)
On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States
Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML
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On 08/17/2009 at 9:50am - misc - by malebonding (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML
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On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64745) - you totally deserved it (2327)
On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML
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On 08/12/2009 at 1:02pm - kids - by guard35 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
