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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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sarcasticbitch

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sarcasticbitch
  • Town/Country : Wroc?aw, Poland
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 7 October 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 4136
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About sarcasticbitch : :)

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sarcasticbitch's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML

#18579511 (307)

I agree, your life sucks (8135) - you deserved it (2163)

On 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by Cookie (woman) - South Africa

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

#18414681 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (6063) - you deserved it (1217)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by Jess49 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (38914) - you deserved it (10575)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

#17298828 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (22610) - you deserved it (4130)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:17pm - animals - by Username - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

#17233165 (270)

I agree, your life sucks (33192) - you deserved it (3881) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm - love - by mathii - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

#16776471 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (32073) - you deserved it (2172)

On 06/21/2011 at 3:08am - health - by Caeru (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

#16474078 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (35308) - you deserved it (2208)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. Completely crushed, I spent an hour gathering up everything he ever gave me. Then he calls back to say how stupid he was and how he wanted me back. I was ecstatic. An hour later he figured out he was okay with his first decision. FML

#5992149 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (2810)

On 10/25/2009 at 3:19pm - love - by rollercoaster (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

#4774065 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (16458) - you deserved it (27809)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

#4346574 (216)

I agree, your life sucks (60372) - you deserved it (4688)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm - love - by Jeremy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking: "What can I get for you cuntie?" FML

#1751488 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (60653) - you deserved it (16265)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

#1452410 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (52695) - you deserved it (21604)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363126) - you deserved it (401477)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)