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Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31854) - you deserved it (4581)
On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35576) - you deserved it (1614)
On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Soph (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32278) - you deserved it (2821)
On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States
Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27104) - you deserved it (3073)
On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25998) - you deserved it (5122)
On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27735) - you deserved it (6368)
On 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm - love - by fuckyoutoo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33455) - you deserved it (5745)
Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41540) - you deserved it (1957)
On 03/23/2013 at 7:43am - animals - by Hurrikhan - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (36434) - you deserved it (9425)
On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland
Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36273) - you deserved it (1959)
On 03/18/2013 at 4:28am - love - by mcds2 (woman) - United States
Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26963) - you deserved it (5247)
On 03/16/2013 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28338) - you deserved it (3135)
On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28267) - you deserved it (4450)
On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24049) - you deserved it (1605)
On 03/12/2013 at 10:05am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24672) - you deserved it (37092) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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