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Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50064) - you deserved it (5925)
On 05/28/2013 at 1:05am - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39772) - you deserved it (2716)
On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43665) - you deserved it (9078)
On 05/27/2013 at 7:16am - misc - by stupid (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)
Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51237) - you deserved it (3166)
On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was in bed with my fiancé. After a while of quiet cuddling, I said, "Babe, I have cold feet." He replied with, "Me too. Let's call off the wedding." I was talking about the actual temperature of my feet. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53411) - you deserved it (6840)
Today, the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39752) - you deserved it (3109)
On 05/26/2013 at 4:33am - animals - by Tiber46 (man) - United States (California)
Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66045) - you deserved it (3931)
On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38248) - you deserved it (2420)
On 05/25/2013 at 1:09am - work - by mmmretail (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35096) - you deserved it (5360)
On 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm - love - by yesguysgetabusedtoo (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33523) - you deserved it (3656)
On 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by unwilling redneck - United States
Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51799) - you deserved it (3816)
On 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)
Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42896) - you deserved it (7616)
On 05/24/2013 at 12:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)
Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30840) - you deserved it (2711)
On 05/24/2013 at 3:06am - misc - by redneckfamily - United States (Washington)
Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29258) - you deserved it (3396)
On 05/24/2013 at 3:04am - animals - by seriously - United States
Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31552) - you deserved it (4016)
On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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