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sarbear11753

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sarbear11753
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1907
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sarbear11753's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32766) - you deserved it (5462)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42506) - you deserved it (7551)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39843) - you deserved it (3996)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49790) - you deserved it (7361)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43094) - you deserved it (4819)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

#21014860
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48058) - you deserved it (3501)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43460) - you deserved it (4927)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

#20999827
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43665) - you deserved it (3457)

On 12/21/2013 at 1:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49300) - you deserved it (7364)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

#20998520
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32804) - you deserved it (5135)

On 12/19/2013 at 9:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51969) - you deserved it (6863)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

#20995909
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38798) - you deserved it (5377)

On 12/17/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by Well this Is Awkward (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51176) - you deserved it (2912)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

#20986609
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40954) - you deserved it (6253)

On 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)



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