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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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samusfox

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samusfox
  • Town/Country : Baltimore, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 December 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 17014
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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samusfox's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

#4330249 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (69499) - you deserved it (14724)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML

#4159325 (187)

I agree, your life sucks (37445) - you deserved it (4699)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (43464) - you deserved it (2490)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

#4157667 (276)

I agree, your life sucks (32685) - you deserved it (19328)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

#3991086 (384)

I agree, your life sucks (47711) - you deserved it (20011)

On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokemon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokemon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030 (321)

I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (53048)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

#3957207 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (12245) - you deserved it (54528)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by grounded4life (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

#3932433 (377)

I agree, your life sucks (45399) - you deserved it (20571)

On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

#3856555 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (42110) - you deserved it (2460)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML

#3829436 (156)

I agree, your life sucks (40620) - you deserved it (5282)

On 07/17/2009 at 11:54am - misc - by lawliet_L (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

#3790297 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (29289) - you deserved it (8304)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

#3782569 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (36942) - you deserved it (4719)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

#3756487 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (43689) - you deserved it (1340)

On 07/14/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said,"This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

#3692539 (294)

I agree, your life sucks (38597) - you deserved it (8715)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by embarrassed (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was"Best positions for a small penis." FML

#3691268 (260)

I agree, your life sucks (71514) - you deserved it (9117)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)