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samoht1997

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samoht1997

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  • Number of visits : 806
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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samoht1997's page activity

Visits<b>GayBlowjob</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 11:01am<b>ZombieGuyCXV</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 9:23am<b>BIGBOY4rmAHM</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 2:05am

samoht1997's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

See all of samoht1997's badges

samoht1997's favorite FMLs

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

#21327404
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26643) - you deserved it (15611)

On 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm - work - by smooth - United States

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29997) - you deserved it (4766)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29802) - you deserved it (7892)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I can't go on watching season 8 of The Big Bang Theory, not because of the steady decline of the show's quality, but because I can't stand Penny's new haircut. FML

#21263705
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28975) - you deserved it (17242)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:48am - misc - by shelookslikemiley - Australia

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and I complained that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered "Fat girl problems." FML

#21260102
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37796) - you deserved it (11967)

On 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43409) - you deserved it (27684)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26195) - you deserved it (32723)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41596) - you deserved it (3618)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

#21067130
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49916) - you deserved it (4035)

On 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm - misc - by BakedBat (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

#21018330
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45922) - you deserved it (3964)

On 01/05/2014 at 9:54pm - kids - by rain1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

#20970124
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49044) - you deserved it (17707)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by sister sister - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25873) - you deserved it (63905)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86954) - you deserved it (6205)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27274) - you deserved it (39137)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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