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sammyprosnit's FML badges
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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sammyprosnit's favorite FMLs
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 3:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 6:12am / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML
by UhOhhhh / 09/08/2009 at 1:29pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
by paddy / 07/14/2009 at 8:23am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here" He saw her. It's his daughter. She's a new-hire... running HR. FML
by bluecollar / 02/26/2009 at 3:07am / United States (Arizona) / Work
by Noname / 02/23/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
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- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…