About sammii_bear : Your pain makes me giggle.
If I'm not poking holes in people, I'm playing video games with my wonderful man. :)
I have a perfect life. :)
About sammii_bear : Your pain makes me giggle.
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sammii_bear's favorite FMLs
Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
by LonelyMe / 10/30/2012 at 9:27am / Love
Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML
by MT / 09/19/2012 at 1:25pm / Finland / Love
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy
by Jeff make / 04/01/2012 at 10:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 10:01am / United States / Intimacy
by vampire / 06/16/2011 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML
by pumpkinbutt / 01/17/2010 at 4:08pm / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
by pottypattypeepants / 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML
by absentmindedmoron / 09/27/2009 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
by Ben / 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML
by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML
by Tyler_Padgett / 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
by Jinthebar / 05/06/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…