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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72901) - you deserved it (19113)
On 03/10/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Sarah - United Kingdom (Bolton)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (363066) - you deserved it (401412)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was going over to my friends house for dinner, (it was my birthday) when I walked in everyone yelled surprise and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me she said "wrong person guys, turn off the lights". FML
I agree, your life sucks (46050) - you deserved it (2003)
On 03/08/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by PmS (woman) - United States (Wyoming)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (74124) - you deserved it (12054)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized. To celebrate, we went out to dinner at this expensive restaurant. After dinner, he goes to the restroom. A couple minutes later, the check comes with a note saying: "Thanks! Gonna enjoy bachelor life. It's over." Left me with the $200 bill. He drove. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69289) - you deserved it (8264)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:07am - love - by RME (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36332) - you deserved it (6573)
On 03/06/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by sasd32 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41649) - you deserved it (5307)
On 03/06/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by oconron (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54011) - you deserved it (2627)
On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)
Today, it is my twin sisters and my birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me pretty also. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85855) - you deserved it (3365)
On 03/04/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by Kensie (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97037) - you deserved it (4249)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)
Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (63694) - you deserved it (6022)
On 03/02/2009 at 12:28pm - kids - by E (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42686) - you deserved it (2483)
On 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by AnnaMarie. (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
I agree, your life sucks (737833) - you deserved it (61015)
On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42128) - you deserved it (3972)
On 02/28/2009 at 5:52am - misc - by Judiee (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13317) - you deserved it (37877)
On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)
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