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ryanpreiss's favorite FMLs
by Person15 / 11/26/2011 at 6:13pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML
by Good sister / 10/13/2011 at 7:20pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Nickname / 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Beaky / 10/12/2011 at 1:09am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by FroggyGirl888 / 10/11/2011 at 11:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML
by TheAnnoyedNeighbor / 10/03/2011 at 2:08am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
by katt_is_here / 10/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML
by egghead / 09/23/2011 at 4:31am / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 8:11am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML
by facepalm / 06/14/2011 at 4:30am / United States / Miscellaneous