Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ryanpreiss

Search for a member

ryanpreiss

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 7 April 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 263
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

ryanpreiss's page activity

Visits<b>1915destroyer</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 1:19pm<b>PiinkVanilla</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 1:25pm<b>toiletmonkey</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 5:38pm<b>cracchiolo</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 11:26am<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 2:20am<b>lorellecaimyth</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 11:26pm<b>luceon</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 10:58pm<b>maraka_musso</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 2:35pm<b>cwillc16</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 3:46am<b>Joshido</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 10:59am<b>Subzero319</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 6:07am<b>SIMANIMOS</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 9:04am<b>timotay89</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 6:22am<b>neenubob</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 3:04am<b>silly_gal</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 2:26am<b>Coopzorz</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 2:14am<b>Pwib</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 1:33am<b>ignorant4life</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 12:05am

ryanpreiss's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of ryanpreiss's badges

ryanpreiss's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

#17968240
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18414) - you deserved it (11941)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Nickname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out it takes no special training to put a large glass marble up my nostril but may require someone with a medical degree to remove it. FML

#17965139
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5433) - you deserved it (43508)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:09am - misc - by Beaky (woman) - Canada

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

#17964342
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30286) - you deserved it (2816)

On 10/11/2011 at 11:34pm - misc - by FroggyGirl888 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

#17919622
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38726) - you deserved it (9988)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

#17893570
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31645) - you deserved it (2786)

On 10/03/2011 at 2:08am - misc - by TheAnnoyedNeighbor - United States (New York)

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32690) - you deserved it (9205)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

#17811386
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22693) - you deserved it (2728)

On 09/23/2011 at 4:31am - misc - by egghead - United Kingdom

Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML

#17794305
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23677) - you deserved it (8433)

On 09/21/2011 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

#17783230
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23769) - you deserved it (2588)

On 09/19/2011 at 8:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML

#16657137
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12174) - you deserved it (31584)

On 06/14/2011 at 4:30am - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML

#16301661
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19428) - you deserved it (32848)

On 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm - misc - by why me -

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

#15136903
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46240) - you deserved it (3536)

On 02/27/2011 at 7:39am - misc - by awkward (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

#15102397
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31680) - you deserved it (15650)

On 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm - intimacy - by Animal (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dropped my remote behind the bed and went to reach for it. Instead of the remote, I grabbed hold of a rat carcass that must have got in when builders were working in my bathroom several weeks ago. FML

#14221771
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27357) - you deserved it (3099)

On 12/16/2010 at 6:54am - misc - by xxmollyxx (woman) - Sweden



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: