Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (8 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 7 April 1991 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 545
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

ryanpreiss's page activity

Visits<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 11:27am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 3:56pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 12:30am<b>Jayroc</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 4:06pm<b>Tavers</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 11:14pm<b>Captain_Brittain</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 10:54pm<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 9:59am<b>xPaladin</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 4:41pm<b>Melodyrain</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 1:41pm<b>billboob</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 7:10am<b>americanafrican</b> - the 12/19/2014 at 7:33pm<b>Sonotsuave</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 9:10pm<b>callcopse</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 5:48am<b>RainEliseWolf</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 11:24pm<b>mandygrl25</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 7:04pm<b>staaacey</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 2:34am<b>lew_eeez</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 8:20pm<b>rebelbelle</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 8:16pm

ryanpreiss's FML badges


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of ryanpreiss's badges

ryanpreiss's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40506) - you deserved it (5086)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm - kids - by Potforapeso (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34429) - you deserved it (3084)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:24pm - kids - by adeeri - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35495) - you deserved it (3118)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML


I agree, your life sucks (52832) - you deserved it (5082)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54544) - you deserved it (4679)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML


I agree, your life sucks (70416) - you deserved it (35714)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39756) - you deserved it (4959)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I walked into an elderly man's room in the hospital I work to give him his food. After he struggled to sit up, I noticed his hand move down towards his crotch. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have to do this to my scrotum because it gets sweaty and sticks to my leg." FML

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40094) - you deserved it (4814)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:44am - work - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML


I agree, your life sucks (52430) - you deserved it (6410)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm - kids - by Amanda - Canada

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30664) - you deserved it (1640)

On 08/10/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by SHIIIIITTTT (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML


I agree, your life sucks (8219) - you deserved it (34504)

On 01/15/2012 at 4:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML


I agree, your life sucks (14605) - you deserved it (44571)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML


C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: