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russian153's favorite FMLs
by dudeyouarefired / 12/20/2012 at 3:16am / Miscellaneous
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Money-money-money / 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm / France / Money
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML
by me / 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
by anonymous4991 / 05/03/2012 at 8:39pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by dentistrygirl / 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
by fuck / 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML
by Emoney1 / 05/26/2011 at 10:06am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Fatty1970 / 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest… Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her,… Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like…