rowanessence

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rowanessence

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 18 December 1993 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 336
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About rowanessence : ME:
I am truly a boon bestowed upon mankind by the Big Guy in the Sky.
I must forget about your humble pathetic lives.
You wouldn't want me to be sad on behalf of the worms you all are, would you?
I shall surround myself with mirrors, and bask in the glorious light of my magnificence.
You may be above average intelligence, but you're still not as clever as me.
Surprisingly it has been revealed that my head is only marginally bigger than average and not a throbbing translucent beach ball-sized dome.
It's even more surprising that I don't seem to be capable of shooting psychic death rays.
I am a divine spark (essentially a Goddess) who got trapped in the material world.
No one knows why I am so amazing.
It is just one of life's unsolved mysteries.
I believe my brain may have been filled with sewage causing delusions of grandeur!
Anyone know how to perform a lobotomy?

rowanessence's page activity

Visits<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 3:50pm<b>pks2014</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 9:55pm<b>mthomasmillerr</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 1:59am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 4:44am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 5:53pm<b>troutbum</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 11:50pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 10/09/2013 at 4:01am<b>Wyoma</b> - the 07/06/2013 at 9:46pm<b>ashleyek</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 1:00pm<b>NPN_Scorpio</b> - the 02/13/2011 at 10:01am

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rowanessence's favorite FMLs

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

by geena / 10/27/2012 at 2:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2012 at 12:03am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

by hahagirl / 09/12/2012 at 1:40am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

by Grindyloo / 05/05/2012 at 6:06am / Kids

Today, I've gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local pizza hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I've already received 16 calls. FML

by Marty / 08/24/2011 at 1:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

by Mike / 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm / Health

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

by thenotsomanlyman / 03/07/2011 at 11:17am / United States / Animals

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

by fufu_mutt / 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

by embarrassedhubby / 09/17/2010 at 11:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML

by Gary / 06/27/2010 at 12:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

by MegahnDN / 06/11/2010 at 10:33am / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2010 at 8:27pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML

by EmployeeOfTheMonth / 06/27/2009 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Work