About rowanessence : ME:
I am truly a boon bestowed upon mankind by the Big Guy in the Sky.
I must forget about your humble pathetic lives.
You wouldn't want me to be sad on behalf of the worms you all are, would you?
I shall surround myself with mirrors, and bask in the glorious light of my magnificence.
You may be above average intelligence, but you're still not as clever as me.
Surprisingly it has been revealed that my head is only marginally bigger than average and not a throbbing translucent beach ball-sized dome.
It's even more surprising that I don't seem to be capable of shooting psychic death rays.
I am a divine spark (essentially a Goddess) who got trapped in the material world.
No one knows why I am so amazing.
It is just one of life's unsolved mysteries.
I believe my brain may have been filled with sewage causing delusions of grandeur!
Anyone know how to perform a lobotomy?
About rowanessence : ME:
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rowanessence's favorite FMLs
by geena / 10/27/2012 at 2:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2012 at 12:03am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by hahagirl / 09/12/2012 at 1:40am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Marty / 08/24/2011 at 1:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML
by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
by thenotsomanlyman / 03/07/2011 at 11:17am / United States / Animals
Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML
by fufu_mutt / 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
by embarrassedhubby / 09/17/2010 at 11:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML
by Gary / 06/27/2010 at 12:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by MegahnDN / 06/11/2010 at 10:33am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 05/30/2010 at 8:27pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
by EmployeeOfTheMonth / 06/27/2009 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Work
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…