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About rowanessence : ME:
I am truly a boon bestowed upon mankind by the Big Guy in the Sky.
I must forget about your humble pathetic lives.
You wouldn't want me to be sad on behalf of the worms you all are, would you?
I shall surround myself with mirrors, and bask in the glorious light of my magnificence.
You may be above average intelligence, but you're still not as clever as me.
Surprisingly it has been revealed that my head is only marginally bigger than average and not a throbbing translucent beach ball-sized dome.
It's even more surprising that I don't seem to be capable of shooting psychic death rays.
I am a divine spark (essentially a Goddess) who got trapped in the material world.
No one knows why I am so amazing.
It is just one of life's unsolved mysteries.
I believe my brain may have been filled with sewage causing delusions of grandeur!
Anyone know how to perform a lobotomy?
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML
Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML
Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
Tuesday 25 August 2015