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rootlessprophecy's favorite FMLs
by Jackie Campbell / 07/12/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Colorado) / Love
by CatOwner / 07/11/2011 at 10:15pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML
Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML
by Stacy / 07/05/2011 at 12:04am / United States / Work
by wispywee / 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek
Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML
by SheenaL / 06/27/2011 at 2:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML
by holdengurl18 / 06/21/2011 at 12:46am / China / Love
by mk / 06/14/2011 at 2:08am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Rachel / 06/10/2011 at 5:57am / United States (Alabama) / Kids
by fedemere / 05/28/2011 at 2:54am / United States (Florida) / Love
by Fatty1970 / 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
by vlcardenx3 / 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML
by drebel / 03/09/2011 at 5:27pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML
by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 1:25pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately,… Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large… Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend…