Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

rootlessprophecy

Search for a member

rootlessprophecy
  • Town/Country : Spring, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 6 November 1988 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 479
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 23 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

rootlessprophecy's last visitors

raphanne

rootlessprophecy's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of rootlessprophecy's badges

rootlessprophecy's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

#19785807
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19120) - you deserved it (1720)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:11am - misc - by offended (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

#19629941
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17640) - you deserved it (3416)

On 05/15/2012 at 11:05pm - misc - by OytoBeAfather (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38694) - you deserved it (3514)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11630) - you deserved it (51470) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

#19460207
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6670) - you deserved it (16988)

On 04/13/2012 at 6:32am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML

#19446242
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21151) - you deserved it (1476)

On 04/10/2012 at 10:19pm - health - by baugy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24 hour, 7 days a week religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

#19439898
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18643) - you deserved it (1752)

On 04/09/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by awwman - United States

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

#19372815
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9961) - you deserved it (17998)

On 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

#19363269
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20182) - you deserved it (9622)

On 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

#19322341
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18172) - you deserved it (6112)

On 03/21/2012 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by justwow (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

#19305380
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16134) - you deserved it (11610)

On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

#19240246
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12281) - you deserved it (46541)

On 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm - love - by gabbykinz13 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

#19227433
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9500) - you deserved it (15476)

On 03/06/2012 at 2:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

#19147436
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9527) - you deserved it (32988) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/23/2012 at 5:01pm - misc - by Laviolette - France



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: