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rootlessprophecy's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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rootlessprophecy's favorite FMLs
Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML
by offended / 06/14/2012 at 4:11am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/21/2012 at 7:14pm / United States / Love
Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML
by OytoBeAfather / 05/15/2012 at 11:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 6:32am / United States / Health
Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML
by baugy / 04/10/2012 at 10:19pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by awwman / 04/09/2012 at 10:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by justwow / 03/21/2012 at 7:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by FoodyFood / 03/19/2012 at 12:59am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
by gabbykinz13 / 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm / United States / Love
Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 2:54pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML
by Laviolette / 02/23/2012 at 5:01pm / France / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs,… Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box… Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he…