rk0071

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rk0071

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1969
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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rk0071's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2009 at 1:30am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

by SweetFA / 08/19/2009 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 11:21am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML

by NoFriends / 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

by thefailure / 08/02/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

by misopower / 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm / China (Henan) / Intimacy

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

by Headphones / 07/21/2009 at 5:38pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

by fmjob / 07/21/2009 at 12:39am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

by fmjob / 07/21/2009 at 12:39am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

by air / 07/13/2009 at 5:17am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

by wtf / 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2009 at 5:59am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

by FattyMcFatterson / 06/23/2009 at 10:37pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 9:50am / South Africa (Free State) / Love

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

by dawg3360 / 06/07/2009 at 2:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love