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rileighkate's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/05/2013 at 11:13am / United States (Vermont) / Animals
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
by JimmyT / 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work
by Ugh / 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML
by DumbCuntApparently / 02/27/2013 at 3:52pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML
by n3ov / 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm / Pakistan (Islamabad) / Intimacy
by incendiaaa / 02/24/2013 at 6:17am / Australia / Animals
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids
by okay then / 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by fviz / 02/07/2013 at 4:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by girly girly / 05/26/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work
by baby shak / 01/14/2012 at 2:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Lolaa123 / 09/25/2011 at 12:03am / United States / Kids
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
by kykynevs / 08/23/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / France / Health