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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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redroses5

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redroses5
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 31 December 1989 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 51282
  • Number of comments : 90
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About redroses5 : My life is fucked up. I deal with it- so should you.

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redroses5's favorite FMLs

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

#6761205 (156)

I agree, your life sucks (12359) - you deserved it (19234)

On 12/15/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Proof-Reader (man) - United States (California)

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

#5820033 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (5437) - you deserved it (25710)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

#5699307 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (25240) - you deserved it (8320)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by shitballs_911 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (10321)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

#4805621 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (17355) - you deserved it (20516)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:17am - misc - by ElevatorThug (man) - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML

#4636801 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (48194) - you deserved it (8638)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

#4632889 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (6312) - you deserved it (47839)

On 08/18/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by Laundrylady (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (43537) - you deserved it (10408)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

#3364803 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (43777) - you deserved it (2184)

On 06/30/2009 at 12:17pm - kids - by lebanesewoman (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

#3330800 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (36139) - you deserved it (10871)

On 06/29/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Asterisk1009 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writting a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

#3241912 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (45155) - you deserved it (6632)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:23pm - misc - by hatesurf (man) - Peru (Lima)

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

#3229865 (454)

I agree, your life sucks (51833) - you deserved it (26218)

On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

#3215431 (289)

I agree, your life sucks (59315) - you deserved it (4307)

On 06/25/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Tom (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

#3142518 (261)

I agree, your life sucks (17762) - you deserved it (54970)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

#3074596 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (32690) - you deserved it (11476)

On 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by meantowheels (woman) - United States (Michigan)