redflamer

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Offline (the 10/19/2014 at 2:43am)

redflamer

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 608
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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redflamer's page activity

Visits<b>junkmanthefool</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 5:34pm<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 12:45am<b>saraveeyuh</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 11:06pm<b>EllaJSwiftie</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 1:03pm<b>JMichael</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 10:22pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 9:40pm<b>TorturedXeno</b> - the 12/03/2013 at 9:47pm<b>cats400</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 6:48pm<b>Neilish</b> - the 10/24/2013 at 3:17am<b>B5B0N35</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 5:59pm<b>raresc</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 9:39pm<b>laden_swallow09</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 1:43am<b>Codezlol</b> - the 09/16/2013 at 5:08pm<b>jaffvis</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 5:30am<b>IHaveNoKoolAid</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 9:46pm<b>golden_warrior</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 1:56pm<b>georjayy</b> - the 06/25/2013 at 10:56am<b>ironjawber</b> - the 06/25/2013 at 9:12am

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redflamer's favorite FMLs

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

by MissBeyoncé / 10/13/2014 at 4:13am / Namibia (Windhoek) / Animals

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2014 at 12:47am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

by mcdonalds / 08/06/2013 at 12:11am / United States / Health

Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML

by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina / 06/01/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

by scarred_sibling / 10/15/2012 at 8:10am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

by shelby124 / 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

by BigBananaLover / 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

by ugly / 04/15/2011 at 2:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I hung out with the guy I've liked for the first time in 3 years. And when he left, I gave him a hug, he pushed me, I tripped, and hit my head into the wall. Then to save his embarassment, pushed me over onto the couch and pretended to rape me. FML

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

by omgitserika / 11/18/2009 at 10:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

by keepsmiling / 09/02/2009 at 7:19am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Intimacy

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

by DAMMit / 07/27/2009 at 4:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy