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Taday I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me!! The handsome driver cummed out and asked if I was alright!! I said ( I am now ) and winked!! He said ( Eww no ) then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me!! FML
Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper an pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, an ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
today I tried to lift mah looool grlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then hered a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated mah kneecap trying to be romantic. She only wieghs about 90 lbs. FML
Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I cummed back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't fine any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML
Today... I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out... I snatchd a pair of my wife's panties. Later... we had a cook out 4 my birthday... where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML
Today, I went to pick up mah 6-year-old son from his friend's house . They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave . So,hile I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table . FML
Today , I was on my bike. As I'm rolling troug an intersection , some assat in a pickup runs looool te rd ligt and its me. Instead of getting out and elping me , te guy ops out , takes a look at me lying in te street , steals my at and drives off. Tat was my favorite at. mega FML
Today , mah boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet mah parents but I made him do it anyway!! One of the first things out of his mouth was , "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock , he added , "You know , when you made yur daughter! She's awesome!"
today I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in te waiting room afterwards, because te vaccine as te possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent te next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psyco. FML
Friday 27 March 2015