This member hasn't filled in their description.
rasengan1544's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
rasengan1544's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML
by Married2handsome / 06/16/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me after finding out that I reload my own shotgun shells and I shoot competitively. His reasoning? He didn't want to date a "cheap and dangerous woman." Seriously? FML
by kiss98367 / 06/16/2013 at 7:48pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML
by ... / 06/16/2013 at 4:57pm / South Africa (Eastern Cape) / Love
by idontwanttoknow / 06/16/2013 at 7:37am / United States / Intimacy
by sex deprived / 06/16/2013 at 1:10am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML
by Sovekipisse / 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm / France (Pays de la Loire) / Love
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML
by woof woof?? / 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
by well then... / 06/15/2013 at 1:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
by Jill / 06/15/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
by I fathered a pussy. / 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm / Cyprus (Limassol) / Miscellaneous
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
by explanations / 06/14/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I donated blood for the first time. I'm completely healthy and after waiting the appropriate amount of time I left, feeling fine. That is until I went out to eat with my family an hour later and passed out in front of the whole restaurant. FML
by hi_there4397 / 06/14/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Arizona) / Health
- Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited… Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes,… Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the…