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Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48380) - you deserved it (5783)
On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)
Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45529) - you deserved it (5042)
On 04/18/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38641) - you deserved it (4523)
On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States
Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37703) - you deserved it (6087)
On 04/18/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by notlaughing (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40189) - you deserved it (8692)
On 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm - misc - by pantydropper (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35519) - you deserved it (14920)
On 04/17/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by KatiRozz1 (woman) - United Kingdom (Middlesbrough)
Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33519) - you deserved it (6502)
On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42385) - you deserved it (5444)
On 04/17/2013 at 6:20am - health - by Annieisnotokay - United Kingdom
Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52987) - you deserved it (9753)
On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35862) - you deserved it (5690)
On 04/17/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Aaronator25 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54769) - you deserved it (14248)
Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59906) - you deserved it (6186)
On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)
Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36999) - you deserved it (9990)
On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34708) - you deserved it (7256)
On 04/15/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Reno - United States (Nevada)
Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46895) - you deserved it (8858)
On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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