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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22479) - you deserved it (3169)
On 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm - love - by painfetish8021 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14650) - you deserved it (2389)
On 09/16/2012 at 9:46am - money - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13292) - you deserved it (2104)
On 09/16/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by kacie smith - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went out for lunch with a guy I hadn't seen in a couple of months. He seemed to be staring at my chest quite a bit, but I wasn't too bothered by it. Turns out there was still an XL sticker on my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13699) - you deserved it (4079)
On 09/16/2012 at 3:00am - love - by distracted - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14426) - you deserved it (2129)
On 09/15/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by FullMonty (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16539) - you deserved it (1442)
On 09/15/2012 at 7:07am - health - by Leashaness (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18337) - you deserved it (1973)
On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17638) - you deserved it (1404)
On 09/15/2012 at 1:35am - intimacy - by anon (man) - United States (California)
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17327) - you deserved it (1853)
On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13111) - you deserved it (754)
On 09/14/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by thefuckman (man) - United States
Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17684) - you deserved it (2689)
On 09/13/2012 at 10:31am - kids - by PissOffPottermore (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16447) - you deserved it (1374)
On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)
Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3735) - you deserved it (20693)
On 09/12/2012 at 11:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)
Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17322) - you deserved it (2273)
On 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23099) - you deserved it (4179)
On 09/12/2012 at 4:52am - kids - by Bitchjackedmyball - United States (Hawaii)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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