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Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32804) - you deserved it (5541)
On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)
Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (16384)
On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48769) - you deserved it (3288)
On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)
Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40325) - you deserved it (4498)
On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57715) - you deserved it (3537)
On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41264) - you deserved it (7966)
On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42407) - you deserved it (3846)
On 05/13/2013 at 12:29am - animals - by JamiesMom (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my dad walked in on me lying down with my cat, eating ice cream, watching The Notebook with tears in my eyes. As if that's not bad enough, I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41522) - you deserved it (15988)
On 05/12/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50876) - you deserved it (7293)
On 05/12/2013 at 10:08am - love - by turdtonomor9 - United States
Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41698) - you deserved it (3251)
On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)
Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24787) - you deserved it (33232)
On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45210) - you deserved it (7509)
On 05/11/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by wrongguy - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69868) - you deserved it (4221)
On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49979) - you deserved it (3811)
On 05/09/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35073) - you deserved it (4253)
On 05/08/2013 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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