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Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34520) - you totally deserved it (2011)
On 07/23/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Gg (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)
Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come to. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9894) - you totally deserved it (47414)
On 07/22/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by grounded4life (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29079) - you totally deserved it (16450)
On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)
Today, I went into a restaurant and sat at a bar near three guys who appeared to be 19 or 20. They did not acknowledge me. 15 minutes later, my burger arrived. They all ran over to ask me about it. I haven't been hit on in months. My cheeseburger is more attractive to men than I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29695) - you totally deserved it (3866)
On 07/19/2009 at 6:02pm - love - by Tasty (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12480) - you totally deserved it (32933)
On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4816) - you totally deserved it (48411)
On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4640) - you totally deserved it (33769)
On 07/09/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by StUbbY (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32740) - you totally deserved it (6118)
On 07/09/2009 at 1:15am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38280) - you totally deserved it (5502)
On 07/08/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by stupiddddddd (woman) - United Kingdom (Rotherham)
Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10732) - you totally deserved it (36762)
On 07/07/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boss fired me because arriving at 8 and leaving at 9 is unacceptable and I should work at least 8 hours a day. For the past week I have been working 13 hours a day to finish a project. I got fired because my boss does not know the difference between am and pm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54135) - you totally deserved it (1961)
On 07/07/2009 at 12:02am - work - by cedrik (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for me and my girlfriend. I was trying that move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and the girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. Only when I tried it, my spagetti went down too far in my throat and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27743) - you totally deserved it (16136)
On 07/06/2009 at 12:54pm - love - by spitballer1 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37672) - you totally deserved it (4530)
On 07/06/2009 at 2:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41635) - you totally deserved it (1026)
On 07/05/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26278) - you totally deserved it (2061)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:53am - money - by iloveZELOS (woman) - United States
