About random_ribbons : I could very easily write an autobiography here, but to put it simply, just don't take me too seriously. If you listen to that rule, we'll get along fine.
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random_ribbons's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML
by magicman / 04/26/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
by bham boy / 04/20/2011 at 4:10am / Work
Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by EllieJ / 03/23/2011 at 11:22am / Health
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML
by Mike / 12/15/2010 at 6:57am / Work
Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML
by 479firefighter / 12/10/2010 at 12:11am / Love
Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML
by Annonmyus / 12/03/2010 at 3:56am / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 2:17pm / Israel (HaDarom) / Miscellaneous
Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML
by Nobody / 10/17/2010 at 1:17pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by flimflam / 09/02/2010 at 1:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML
by Stumble / 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous