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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ranbeer

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ranbeer
  • Town/Country : Seattle, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 25 August 1988 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 757
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ranbeer : maybe that's alright...

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Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

#5494730 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (39014) - you deserved it (2590)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

#5292418 (380)

I agree, your life sucks (15358) - you deserved it (68097)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

#4332975 (109)

I agree, your life sucks (40839) - you deserved it (3150)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:40am - misc - by daddysboy123 (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

#3192725 (314)

I agree, your life sucks (66499) - you deserved it (9150)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML

#254280 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (29574) - you deserved it (63309)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363042) - you deserved it (401386)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

#214714 (255)

I agree, your life sucks (67962) - you deserved it (6531)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by saltinawound (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML

#163784 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (39719) - you deserved it (19370)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by AppState (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (105983) - you deserved it (8361)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (13085) - you deserved it (65453)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

#154710 (54)

I agree, your life sucks (45531) - you deserved it (4992)

On 02/27/2009 at 5:58pm - kids - by stpry of my life (woman) - United States (California)