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rainbowsorbet

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rainbowsorbet

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Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36985) - you deserved it (12406)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36985) - you deserved it (12406)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35193) - you deserved it (6764)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41071) - you deserved it (7185)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28165) - you deserved it (7416)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

#20164114
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24836) - you deserved it (8099)

On 11/15/2012 at 8:37am - love - by SweetStuff88 (man) - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

#20136351
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29568) - you deserved it (2397)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

#20134676
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30604) - you deserved it (1750)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm - animals - by birthday girl (woman) - Australia

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

#20126556
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20920) - you deserved it (2678)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)

Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

#20117729
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19664) - you deserved it (2281)

On 10/15/2012 at 4:33am - misc - by triple l (woman) - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

#20080189
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8314) - you deserved it (24134)

On 09/20/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

#20058797
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24884) - you deserved it (2110)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

#20058422
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23901) - you deserved it (1534)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by holymoly - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

#20055300
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25571) - you deserved it (2134)

On 09/03/2012 at 4:17am - love - by ugly (woman) - United States

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

#19983667
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25817) - you deserved it (2086)

On 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm - kids - by madmomma - United States (Oregon)



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