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raea7's favorite FMLs
Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML
by WillaminaL / 01/19/2012 at 10:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 6:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Joe / 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML
by HBC / 12/10/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy
by halloweed / 11/16/2011 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 3:00pm / United States / Love
by Hairytoes / 10/07/2011 at 6:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML
by nearlythere / 09/30/2011 at 12:50am / Australia / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 3:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by Scott / 09/15/2011 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/07/2011 at 11:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Love
- Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!"… Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent… Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one…