rackmill

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Offline (the 09/04/2015 at 10:23pm)

rackmill

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 933
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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rackmill's page activity

Visits<b>meeeep8888</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 1:54am

rackmill's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

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rackmill's favorite FMLs

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2015 at 9:30pm / Intimacy

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

by Bishop423 / 07/22/2015 at 12:21am / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 12:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

by kerripjones / 07/14/2015 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

by hfs palm / 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm / United States / Kids

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

by oooooops / 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

by whateven333 / 02/17/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

by TheKingKen / 02/13/2015 at 3:40am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

by gumchuck / 02/05/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

by jay-frey96 / 11/02/2014 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals

Today, I spent my afternoon rummaging through old jeans and other pants, due to being broke and needing cash for ramen. FML

by baconistasty27 / 08/01/2014 at 1:33am / United States (California) / Money

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

by Emliy / 08/01/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

by lostintdot / 07/31/2014 at 7:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

by fatty magoo / 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation