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Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokemon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokemon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10121) - you totally deserved it (46872)
On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States
Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26278) - you totally deserved it (2060)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:53am - money - by iloveZELOS (woman) - United States
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49082) - you totally deserved it (11355)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21027) - you totally deserved it (54613)
On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5128) - you totally deserved it (101348)
On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my fiance and I went to the bar to celebrate my new job. When we got home, we were pretty horny from the alcohol and headed upstairs. While we were taking our clothes off, he began crying out of nowhere and exclaimed "Maybe I'm just gay!" They say true feelings come out when you're drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41534) - you totally deserved it (1950)
On 05/23/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by jaded401 (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I cried when Adam lost American Idol. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14320) - you totally deserved it (57500)
On 05/21/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by idolfan (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39501) - you totally deserved it (2732)
On 05/13/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by NoComparison (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14433) - you totally deserved it (38248)
On 05/12/2009 at 7:09am - misc - by Rech (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He is 20 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43460) - you totally deserved it (3323)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by Jess-zee (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking: "What can I get for you cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41082) - you totally deserved it (10420)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11861) - you totally deserved it (69824)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML
I agree, your life sucks (38686) - you totally deserved it (12128)
On 04/30/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Em (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39822) - you totally deserved it (6462)
On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56566) - you totally deserved it (4369)
On 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm - health - by Litterbox (woman) - United States (Texas)
