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qwaszxwesdxc
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 813
  • Number of comments : 34
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

#19472995
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30038) - you deserved it (1826)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by jonasister (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

#19374662
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16641) - you deserved it (1633)

On 03/30/2012 at 3:45am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

#19313557
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24955) - you deserved it (1974)

On 03/20/2012 at 11:37am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

#19281445
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29803) - you deserved it (1886)

On 03/15/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by Bebefer - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
588 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21512) - you deserved it (50346)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

#19136346
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32388) - you deserved it (4806)

On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

#19131405
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36499) - you deserved it (5416)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML

#18984075
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33532) - you deserved it (4193)

On 02/03/2012 at 1:29pm - animals - by deadhamster - United States

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

#18906599
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6641) - you deserved it (24249)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54am - health - by lol - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

#18782915
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26211) - you deserved it (2041)

On 01/12/2012 at 5:35am - misc - by Dani - Australia

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML

#18778131
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30756) - you deserved it (3861)

On 01/11/2012 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

#18774764
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10983) - you deserved it (28247)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Dockin (man) - India

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

#18605439
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14649) - you deserved it (45863)

On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, my mother hacked my Facebook and broke up with my boyfriend and pretended to be me. She told him if he ever talks to me again, she'll call the cops. FML

#18518838
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29309) - you deserved it (2578)

On 12/15/2011 at 10:20am - love - by NinjaWafflesx (woman) - United States



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