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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 847
  • Number of comments : 91
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 48 posted

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qr_fml's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10089) - you deserved it (39897)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

#19561833
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11332) - you deserved it (38243) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML

#19483512
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29540) - you deserved it (2287)

On 04/17/2012 at 10:54am - love - by unloved (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

#19335521
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24808) - you deserved it (5219)

On 03/23/2012 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by justgreat - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

#19240246
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12348) - you deserved it (46832)

On 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm - love - by gabbykinz13 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML

#19139101
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10918) - you deserved it (35811)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm - misc - by KittenNomNom - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

#19069104
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4939) - you deserved it (33302)

On 02/13/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by michael (man) - United States

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

#19062994
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23184) - you deserved it (4441)

On 02/13/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by cieee - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

#18561391
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15508) - you deserved it (50812)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

#18531722
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28541) - you deserved it (5178)

On 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by anne (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

#18217902
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17084) - you deserved it (74116)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28121) - you deserved it (2953)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

#18051286
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39615) - you deserved it (18456)

On 10/23/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by canucks_chick - Canada

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

#17795601
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43739) - you deserved it (7957)

On 09/21/2011 at 1:20pm - intimacy - by ThisBlows (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

#17746655
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25303) - you deserved it (5308)

On 09/14/2011 at 8:21pm - kids - by unknown - United States (Massachusetts)



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