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Back from a party
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purpleskullcandy's favorite FMLs
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML
by Tori / 07/15/2012 at 5:52pm / Australia / Health
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
by SwAGkiLlS / 07/15/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by Taylor / 07/15/2012 at 10:42am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML
by oops / 07/15/2012 at 1:34am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 6:47pm / United States / Work
by tapeissticky591 / 07/14/2012 at 1:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML
by fucking pissants / 07/13/2012 at 3:08pm / United Kingdom / Work
by Marjorie / 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by shorty4 / 07/13/2012 at 10:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML
by r4inb0wbrit3 / 07/13/2012 at 3:37am / United States (Delaware) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/13/2012 at 2:47am / United States (Texas) / Love
by lostforlife / 07/12/2012 at 8:52pm / United States (Maine) / Kids
by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous
by Ian Artis / 07/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States / Work
by failure / 07/12/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…