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Back from a party
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purpleskullcandy's favorite FMLs
Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 1:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by JMG / 08/19/2012 at 1:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by lonelygirl / 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML
by Samantha / 08/16/2012 at 6:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom asked me if I had any plans to go out tonight. To divert attention, I pretended to be angry and accused her of prying into my social life. Actually, I have no social life and nobody to go out with. My only "big plans" were to finish my Sudoku book. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 2:33am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 7:58pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML
by Bree / 08/15/2012 at 11:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML
by impickingyourhomegran / 08/13/2012 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
by jannister / 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Miscellaneous
by youmothERFUCKErs / 08/13/2012 at 1:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML
by Anonymous / 08/12/2012 at 7:08pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
by mikeissad / 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Florida) / Work
- Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until… Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why?… Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a…